Step on The Scale!

Wait! Don't stop reading - - - this is NOT about weight!

We've all heard the saying, "A goal unwritten is just a wish."

I'd like to paraphrase that by saying, "A goal unmeasured is just a wish."

Most of us set goals. First thing in the morning on January 1, I look at the goals I compiled the day before, and list some of the steps I'm going to have to take to accomplish those goals during the upcoming year. I know that if I don't take each step, I'll never complete that goal.

I do pretty well with making the list. I have been accused of being a "list-maker" for years. But the follow-through has been lacking. To heal thoroughly from any tragedy, there are qualities I know need to be developed - and I cannot say I've been completely successful in my quest to develop them. But then this week on a phone call, I had an epiphany.

I was listening to Robert G. Allen on his weekly "Breakfast with Bob" call when he said if we want to be improving in areas of the heart and mind, we need to be measuring our progress. I realized that the reason I don't reach many of my goals is that I don't have a way of measuring my progress. How does one measure "Be more patient", or "Have more charity"? How can "Build my faith" be quantified?

He challenged us to ponder how we can measure such ethereal qualities, and to bring back our answers to next week's call. I've been thinking about it ever since. And I've come up with an idea.

The only way I can think of to measure those qualities of the heart and mind is by measuring the actions that flow from our heart and our thoughts. Are our actions in line with the characteristics we are hoping to develop?

I imagined my bathroom scale. But instead of the numbers there, (oh, yes, let's do away with them!), I imagined several bars of different colors like a rainbow, each bar with its own needle, and on the bars, respectively,  the words "Service", and "Smile", and "Prayer", and "Giving".

Then I imagined myself standing on the scale and watching the various needles move across the scale, showing that yes, I'd smiled more this week, but "Service" was measuring way too low. Prayer - well, it had been a hard week so the "Prayer" needle was way at the top of the scale, but the "Giving" needle didn't even show. I immediately knew that I needed to look outside myself and see where I could make a difference in someone else's life.

On the call, Bob had said that one person claimed that measuring is a powerful concept, and that one-tenth of one percent of all we measure will give us ninety-nine percent of the results in our lives. Wow! That caught my attention. 

It is worth thinking about. If we measure something, performance most often increases. So if we want to improve in an area, it makes sense that we need to set up a system of measuring our performance. 

I really do want to improve. I want to heal and be whole again. But now I see that to do so, I need to measure my progress - regularly. 

So, if you too want to improve, come on ladies, and let's step on the scale! 

In hope,

Roslyn

   

Make a list

The day after my older children left to return to their homes after my husband's funeral, I lay in my bed, looking out the window at the snow covering the trees, bushes and the ground. I felt cold, overwhelmed, confused, and totally inadequate for the task ahead - to build a new life for myself and the children.

I had stayed in bed much too long and could hear the children moving around the house. I knew I needed to do something - but what could I do that would make a difference? What could I accomplish in my present state of mind?
Then it came to me. After the funeral, my brother had told me,

"Make a list, Ros. List everything you can think of that you need to do, then list the things you need help with, and then let me know. We'll get you through this."

I could do that much! I pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper from my drawer and began to think. I felt like I needed help with everything. Slowly, though, I formed a list of those things I knew I couldn't do alone. As I did, I also thought of a few things I could do. Over the next few days two lists evolved, one I felt I could work on myself, and one I needed help with.

Just having it down on paper - - - even though the list was long - - - made it seem more manageable. Some things didn't seem so frightening once I could see them there on the list knowing that I would have someone to help me work on them. And when people called and asked, "What can I do to help?", now I had an answer. I felt better, because I was starting to accomplish things, and they felt better because they were able to serve in truly meaningful ways.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry - it's normal. It is part of the grieving process.

And when you feel ready,

take out a pen and a piece of paper,

and make a list!

Like Mary

When an angel announced to Mary what changes the future held for her, she asked,
"How shall this be . . .?"
From her perspective, she could not fathom how what she had been told could be possible.
When the angel reminded her that "with God nothing shall be impossible", she submitted humbly, saying,
" . . .be it unto me according to thy word."1

My grandson, Jefferson, loves to buckle the strap on his booster seat. As soon as he is lifted into the chair, he wants to buckle the strap. The moment he is lifted down after a meal, he immediately turns and re-buckles the strap. No one ever taught him to do it - it is a self-appointed duty that he has performed since he was first able to, and one he will not forbear.
One day Jeff had climbed up into his booster seat in anticipation of dinner and was trying to buckle the strap, but to no avail. He could not do it. He tried and tried, becoming more and more agitated as he tried. His father, seeing the problem, walked over, put his hands under Jeff's arms and began to lift.
"NO, NO, NO!" cried Jeff. From his perspective, his father was preventing him from accomplishing what he most wanted to do.
Actually, his father was only lifting Jefferson to re-position him. Jeff hadn't scooted back far enough in his chair, and so the straps could not possibly reach around him to be buckled. "I'm helping you, Jefferson," his father had said. And what his father did assured Jefferson's success.

Watching this, I thought, "How many times have I cried out, "NO!" when my Heavenly Father has only been re-positioning me to assure my success?"
Could it be that sometimes when things do not go as we would want, One who sees from a higher perspective, and who knows our potential, could actually be using our circumstances to help us become who He knows we can become? And could it be that He is in essence saying, as C.S. Lewis suggested, "Peace, child; you don't understand"? 2

Many times in the last few years I have felt like crying out, "NO!" I don't want to have to make changes! It is frightening to do new things and accept new challenges. However, looking back and seeing where those changes have brought me, I see God's hand in my life, helping me to stretch and grow.
Maybe someday I'll get to the point where, when I feel His loving hands under my arms beginning to lift, I'll look up with complete trust and say, "Thank You. Do whatever You need to do."
Like Mary. "Be it unto me according to thy word."


1 Luke 1:34-38
2 C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed p.69

Ask for Miracles!

A father came to the Savior, carrying his afflicted son, asking for healing. The Savior looked into the man’s eyes and said, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” The father said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
The father needed a miracle. He knew Christ could perform the miracle, and stated so: “Lord, I believe,” but then acknowledged that his belief might not be sufficient: “…help thou mine unbelief.”
We all need miracles! Life is a test---and tests are hard. When we have experienced deep loss, it takes miracles to heal and to move on. When it seems we cannot go on or that it is too hard, we can ask, as did the father in the story, “help thou mine unbelief.”
In the scriptures we read of a time that the Savior could not show miracles to a group of people, “…because of their unbelief.” We must build our belief so that God can do miracles in our lives.
I believe He is already performing miracles in our behalf, and we are perhaps not recognizing them because we are so focused on our own pain, our loss, and what we don’t have. When we are thus consumed, we miss seeing His hand in our lives.
Two things that have helped me in my quest for increased faith are:
1) Watching for and recording instances where you see God working in your life. President Henry B. Eyring recommended that we ask each evening, “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As we look for evidence that He is there, we will see He is working in our lives, and as we keep a record of His blessings, we build our faith and belief.
2) Ask! The scriptures teach us, “Ask, and it shall be given you; . . . For every one that asketh receiveth . . .” Do we sometimes miss receiving a blessing because we neglected to ask? The Lord made it even more than an invitation: “ . . . ye are commanded in all things to ask of God . .” In asking, we are showing faith the He hears and answers!
The more often I ask, the more frequently I see evidences of God’s love for me. May you experience the same, and may you find joy in watching Him work miracles in your life!

Mark 9:17-24
3 Nephi 19:35
Matthew 7:7
Doctrine & Covenants 46:7

Guard Your Hope

"I find I have to ever guard my hope." 

My friend and I were driving down to town to join a local singles dinner party. Through divorce, she also has experienced tragic loss, and I had asked her how things were going, and her answer touched me.

She described the way many well-meaning friends offer pity rather than encouragement, and how after one such friend left her home recently, she had closed the door, leaned back against it, and offered a prayer. "Oh, Father, bring back my hope!"

All who have suffered loss know how powerful words are - and how much pain they can cause. When someone unwittingly crushes our hope, and places us back in the 'victim' role, what can we do to regain our positive frame of mind? 

I offer two suggestions:

First, let's follow my friend's example. Let's turn to our Maker. He knows our hearts; He knows the pain we are feeling, and He knows how to ease that pain. Let's ask Him to help us to forgive the unknowing, unkind words and to remember any loving words that have been given to us recently. Let's turn to His words and pray to be led to passages that will lift our hearts. I know from personal experience that He will lead our eyes to verses that bring renewed hope and gratitude into our lives. 

Secondly, let's ask Him to guide us to something we can do for someone else. As we serve, we will lift the burdens of two people: the person we serve, and our own. It doesn't have to be anything impressive; things as simple as a note in the mail, a phone call, or pulling their trash can in from the street can all convey love and concern and brighten a day.

As we rub shoulders with the human race we are bound to be hurt and misunderstood, and our hope for healing and peace can be dashed. As our hope begins to wane, let us call upon Him who said, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee, be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

He will hear our plea, and our hope will be renewed once more.

'Tis a gift to be simple...

Sometimes it is the simple things that make the most profound difference in our lives. A smile from a loved one, a love note tucked in a lunch box, a touch on the shoulder to let us know we are valued--all simple things that send a vital message.
As I learned first-hand about grief, I found that it was simple things that made a big difference in my ability to get through each day. Some of those things were:
*Consistent daily study in my core book
*Fervent prayer, followed by a moment of silence to listen for guidance
*Allowing myself the needed rest. Grieving is a physical drain on the body! It's not lazy to get the rest we need!
*Regular physical exercise. Even a 15-minute walk around the block does wonders for a 'blue' day!

Know that things do get better! Live in that hope, and do these simple things each day and I promise there will come a day when you will lie down in bed and it will hit you: "I didn't cry today!" And it will be a good feeling.

With hope for your healing,
Roslyn

Welcome!

Welcome, sisters!

Sisters In Hope is a gathering place where you can find a friend who has been through loss and who can take your hand to guide you through the fog and trauma of grief. All of us here have experienced loss, and we all know the despair that can settle in when one tries to make this journey alone. There is a pathway to healing and hope, and it is most easily traveled in company with others. We are here to help you find it. Here you can find answers to your questions and share your sorrows and successes with sisters who truly understand.

Join our sisterhood and find hope and healing, solace in service, and faith in the future.

Again, welcome!

Warmly,

Roslyn