Seasons!

I noticed it in the air for the first time yesterday morning---that extra 'bite' of crispness, the added chill, the feeling of approaching change---and I felt despair.

I can usually tell how well I am doing emotionally by how well I welcome the change of seasons. Here, high in the Utah mountains, there are four very distinct seasons, and the progression of one to the next triggers different emotions in me depending on the season, and depending on my emotional state.

Spring---ah, yes approaching Spring! That season I always welcome. It means the end of barrenness, of biting cold, and the end of long dark nights and the dreary gray days of winter.

It means release from the heavy coats, scarves, boots, hats and gloves. It brings with it delicate color and new life, things that lift my spirits and fill me with hope and happiness.

Summer follows quickly, bringing with it freedom from the strict schedules of the school year, and ushering in the visual feast of the flowers' vibrant hues, the innumerable shades of green in grass and leaves, and the deep blue of the Summer sky. And warmth! Oh, the glorious warmth of the hot summer sun, filling the trees and vines and plants with life as they produce fruits and vegetables and blossoms to delight the eye and the palate. Yes, I can welcome Summer wholeheartedly.

But Autumn . . . The last few years I have had a difficult time welcoming Autumn. Even though it brings relief from the relentless heat of August, and even in spite of the breathtaking colors with which it paints the mountains and trees, I cannot welcome Autumn---because always following on its heels is Winter.

Winter: cold, dead, dark, devoid of life and beauty. In speaking with other women who have endured loss, I find that I am not alone in this feeling. How can we endure this annual loss of all that is beautiful and warm and face months of all that reminds us of loss?

My computer's dictionary defines despair as "the complete loss or absence of hope." When that feeling came over me this morning, it was coupled with fear. I have been pondering my reaction, and one scripture keeps coming to mind: "God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

I looked through my Bible topical guide and read the entries listed under fear. In just a few moments of study I found eleven times the words "fear not". I get the feeling it isn't just an invitation! Could it be counsel that if followed will make the difference between a life of faith and a life of 'quiet desperation'? Can we make the choice not to despair?

In 1 Thessalonians 4:13, Paul counseled the early saints, "...sorrow not, even as others which have no hope..."

His words made me remember that we who know Christ do have reason to hope---in any situation---that others might not understand. We have hope because Christ has promised us He will always be with us, through all our trials. Do we appreciate that as we might? I think not - at least I know I do not. Just think: our "walk with Christ" can be truly that---knowing our Savior is walking right by our side through each moment of life. If we ask to be more aware, and if we take notice, I believe we will see evidences that He is there.

We also have hope because we know this life is not the whole of existence---there is the hope of a better world after this one. One where, perhaps, winter will not chill to the bone and drain all color from the landscape and from life. I don't know what it will be like, but this I do know: the scriptures speak of a glorious resurrection after this life, and I have felt the assurance that it surely awaits the faithful. God keeps His promises!

So, as warm days draw shorter, nights begin to grow longer, and I feel the bracing morning air, I can refuse to despair---because I have hope. I know that Spring will always follow Winter, no matter what---and that gives me something to hope for.
I can remember that God created Winter, and look for any good and any beauty in Winter that I can appreciate. I can thank Him in all things, as we are counseled to---yes, thank Him even for Winter.
And during the long Winter – as in the long season of grief – I can continually turn to our Creator and draw light and life and strength from Him, until the morning air once again hints of warmth and I feel the rushing joy of realizing – Spring is on its way!