Seasons!

I noticed it in the air for the first time yesterday morning---that extra 'bite' of crispness, the added chill, the feeling of approaching change---and I felt despair.

I can usually tell how well I am doing emotionally by how well I welcome the change of seasons. Here, high in the Utah mountains, there are four very distinct seasons, and the progression of one to the next triggers different emotions in me depending on the season, and depending on my emotional state.

Spring---ah, yes approaching Spring! That season I always welcome. It means the end of barrenness, of biting cold, and the end of long dark nights and the dreary gray days of winter.

It means release from the heavy coats, scarves, boots, hats and gloves. It brings with it delicate color and new life, things that lift my spirits and fill me with hope and happiness.

Summer follows quickly, bringing with it freedom from the strict schedules of the school year, and ushering in the visual feast of the flowers' vibrant hues, the innumerable shades of green in grass and leaves, and the deep blue of the Summer sky. And warmth! Oh, the glorious warmth of the hot summer sun, filling the trees and vines and plants with life as they produce fruits and vegetables and blossoms to delight the eye and the palate. Yes, I can welcome Summer wholeheartedly.

But Autumn . . . The last few years I have had a difficult time welcoming Autumn. Even though it brings relief from the relentless heat of August, and even in spite of the breathtaking colors with which it paints the mountains and trees, I cannot welcome Autumn---because always following on its heels is Winter.

Winter: cold, dead, dark, devoid of life and beauty. In speaking with other women who have endured loss, I find that I am not alone in this feeling. How can we endure this annual loss of all that is beautiful and warm and face months of all that reminds us of loss?

My computer's dictionary defines despair as "the complete loss or absence of hope." When that feeling came over me this morning, it was coupled with fear. I have been pondering my reaction, and one scripture keeps coming to mind: "God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

I looked through my Bible topical guide and read the entries listed under fear. In just a few moments of study I found eleven times the words "fear not". I get the feeling it isn't just an invitation! Could it be counsel that if followed will make the difference between a life of faith and a life of 'quiet desperation'? Can we make the choice not to despair?

In 1 Thessalonians 4:13, Paul counseled the early saints, "...sorrow not, even as others which have no hope..."

His words made me remember that we who know Christ do have reason to hope---in any situation---that others might not understand. We have hope because Christ has promised us He will always be with us, through all our trials. Do we appreciate that as we might? I think not - at least I know I do not. Just think: our "walk with Christ" can be truly that---knowing our Savior is walking right by our side through each moment of life. If we ask to be more aware, and if we take notice, I believe we will see evidences that He is there.

We also have hope because we know this life is not the whole of existence---there is the hope of a better world after this one. One where, perhaps, winter will not chill to the bone and drain all color from the landscape and from life. I don't know what it will be like, but this I do know: the scriptures speak of a glorious resurrection after this life, and I have felt the assurance that it surely awaits the faithful. God keeps His promises!

So, as warm days draw shorter, nights begin to grow longer, and I feel the bracing morning air, I can refuse to despair---because I have hope. I know that Spring will always follow Winter, no matter what---and that gives me something to hope for.
I can remember that God created Winter, and look for any good and any beauty in Winter that I can appreciate. I can thank Him in all things, as we are counseled to---yes, thank Him even for Winter.
And during the long Winter – as in the long season of grief – I can continually turn to our Creator and draw light and life and strength from Him, until the morning air once again hints of warmth and I feel the rushing joy of realizing – Spring is on its way!

Blessed Be The Name of The Lord!

"The Lord giveth and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Deep winter.

I lifted my eyes from my Bible and looked out the window at the snow lightly covering the dead branches of the trees and bushes surrounding my house. As I sat pondering those words on the page before me, I wrapped the quilted comforter more closely around my shoulders and pulled my feet up into the chair in an attempt to ward off the chill in the house. Somehow Job had been able to maintain his faith---and even gratitude---through the loss of all of his material possessions, his children, his wife, and his health. What on earth did he have to be grateful for?

Then it hit me.

Nothing . . . nothing on earth, that is. But everything to look forward to after this life! Job understood that no matter what we are called to go through in this life, we still have reason to bless the name of the Lord, and thank Him for the simple gift of life here and the bright future after this life.

Even after all Job had gone through? How is that ever possible?

I submit it is only possible when we finally come to accept and acknowledge that life is a gift from God; that He wants to help us grow through it with dignity; that our ultimate goal is a reunion with Him after this life; and that every difficulty we go through is a chance to grow closer to Him and to watch His hand at work in our lives.

Today, find something to thank Him for. If you can't find it in your own life right now, pick up your scriptures. There---He is talking to you right now, through the words of His prophets. As Paul wrote to Titus, we live "In hope of eternal life . . . ", and this hope carries us through the dregs that otherwise would be hopeless.

In those dark times, I love to find a quiet place and use my Topical Guide to search out 'hope', or 'faith', or 'comfort' or 'mercy'---any topic that might soothe my soul---and ponder, and underline, and draw strength and courage from them. Then as I go forward, I can reflect on the words of my Father and my Savior and feel them giving me the will to move on.

Truly, "The Lord giveth and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord"!

What are you thinking?

Have you ever made a mistake, and had someone look at you in disappointment and say, "What on earth were you thinking?"

Sometimes I have to agree with them, and I think, "What was I thinking?"

This morning I was listening in to a call with Robert G. Allen, the millionaire who is most famous for his book, Nothing Down. He was speaking about the things we think about - specifically what we ask ourselves. He proposed that the way we ask ourselves questions affects deeply the way we behave and the way we see the world.

For instance, have you found yourself asking, "Why did this have to happen?" "What did I do to deserve this?" "Will bad things ever stop happening to me?" "Why is life so hard?"

Mr. Allen contends that those questions lead nowhere. Some are unanswerable ("Why did this have to happen?";) others only lead to debilitating thoughts and attitudes ("Why is life so hard?")


The truth is, life is all about problems. Times without problems are scarce. Jenkins Lloyd Jones said the following:

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.
“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”1


I think he is right. The 'beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed' are unfortunately very rare. We are unrealistic if we seek that carefree, 'happily-ever-after' life that we heard about in the fairy tales.

So, if life is about problems and learning to solve them, what kind of questions should we be allowing ourselves to ask?

I have found that the most helpful question I can ask when I begin to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or fearful is, "What can I learn from this?" Often, to be able to face life and the challenges I am dealing with, I have to break life down into tiny increments, and then my question is, "What is the very best use of the next fifteen minutes?"

Many times, it is a nap! I call them 'power naps', because they are short - fifteen to thirty minutes long - but they renew my energy and give me the power to move ahead for a few more hours. After a power nap, my outlook is always brighter, and I can ask the positive questions more easily.

In their book Killing Sacred Cows, Garret B. Gunderson and Stephen Palmer ask:

"How do we find freedom on a day-to-day basis? One powerful way is to ask yourself the right questions. Who is ultimately responsible for your prosperity? How can you overcome your fears?How can you be less selfish? What do you really want out of life? What do you have to give, that has not been given because of fear or other limiting factors? Who can you serve today? How can you increase your value to others?"

Can you see how those questions turn one's thoughts outward and upward? I know from my own experience that as soon as we begin asking ourselves these motivating questions, rather than debilitating ones, we are given strength to do something positive.

Richard Paul Evans, philanthropist and author of The Christmas Box suggests keeping an "idea journal" where we write the answers to these questions as we receive them. Some of his ideas have brought great prosperity; others have brought new life and sweetness to his relationships.

I am finding the same thing. As I ask the right questions, and record my answers, and begin to work on those answers, my outlook is becoming more positive. I am able to accept the fact that life can be hard, but my attitude can be positive no matter what I am going through.

What are you thinking? Perhaps beginning to ask more positive questions can be the beginning of a more optimistic chapter in your life, too. I pray it will be so!

-Roslyn

I Feel Pretty . . .

Maria, the lead female character in the musical "West Side Story" is in love. Looking in the mirror she sees herself in a new light, and the strains of a song swell as she begins to sing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty . . ."

One young widow I'll call Maria met a new young woman at church who invited her out to lunch. They had seen each other several times in the halls but had never said much more than hello.

Maria arranged for a sitter for her three-year-old daughter, and they went to a quiet little restaurant. In the course of the conversation, the new friend asked about her marital status.
"I'm a widow - my husband died last year."

"Oh - I'm sorry. I should have guessed - the widow's weeds, you know."

Widow's weeds? The term was unfamiliar to Maria, but from the woman's glance at her clothing that had accompanied the remark, she assumed it referred to her clothing.

She self-consciously thought about what she was wearing, from head to toe. A grey sweater, worn jeans, black slip-on shoes. She had put on earrings that morning, just in honor of the occasion. It wasn't often that she went out to lunch.

The food was tasteless after that. Her mind was preoccupied with the comment and what it meant. It was true - she rarely thought about the clothes she put on. She got up, got dressed, made it through the day, and undressed at the end of each day. That was it. She was surviving.

At home that afternoon, she looked in her closet. There were a few outfits she had liked to wear, up until a year ago. For some reason, she never reached for them anymore. Some outfits still brought back painful memories of the last time she had worn them - with him. Others just didn't feel right. It was just easier to wear jeans and whatever T-shirt happened to be on top in the drawer.

The comment of her friend haunted her all that night. Did it matter what she looked like? Was she ready to think about her appearance again?

For many of us it takes a long time after a loss to get to the point where anything other than surviving each day matters. The energy and focus required to simply exist are all-encompassing. But there can come a time when thinking about our appearance becomes something that lifts us, something that brings us one more reason to smile.

Maria opened the bathroom drawer and dug out her face wash and moisturizer and found her makeup compact. She sat her three-year-old daughter on the counter next to her, and together they washed their faces. While the little girl played with the washcloth and a doll, Maria applied moisturizer and makeup.

"Mommy pretty!" her daughter squealed, and, looking into the mirror, Maria had to agree. It felt good to be taking care of herself once again.

She walked to her closet and chose a khaki skirt and a blouse in a bright peach color, put them on, and looked in the full-length mirror. The effect startled her. She was surprised to admit that she felt pretty. It was an unfamiliar - but pleasant - sensation.

If you are feeling drained and it has been a while since you have done something to take care of yourself, go to that bathroom drawer. Pull out the face wash and moisturizer, and pamper yourself for a few minutes! Then look in the mirror, and admit it - it's all right to say it:

"I feel pretty!"








If you want some new ideas on makeup application, check out my website at www.marykay.com/ros. You can even upload your own photo and try on new colors!
You are pretty!

Step on The Scale!

Wait! Don't stop reading - - - this is NOT about weight!

We've all heard the saying, "A goal unwritten is just a wish."

I'd like to paraphrase that by saying, "A goal unmeasured is just a wish."

Most of us set goals. First thing in the morning on January 1, I look at the goals I compiled the day before, and list some of the steps I'm going to have to take to accomplish those goals during the upcoming year. I know that if I don't take each step, I'll never complete that goal.

I do pretty well with making the list. I have been accused of being a "list-maker" for years. But the follow-through has been lacking. To heal thoroughly from any tragedy, there are qualities I know need to be developed - and I cannot say I've been completely successful in my quest to develop them. But then this week on a phone call, I had an epiphany.

I was listening to Robert G. Allen on his weekly "Breakfast with Bob" call when he said if we want to be improving in areas of the heart and mind, we need to be measuring our progress. I realized that the reason I don't reach many of my goals is that I don't have a way of measuring my progress. How does one measure "Be more patient", or "Have more charity"? How can "Build my faith" be quantified?

He challenged us to ponder how we can measure such ethereal qualities, and to bring back our answers to next week's call. I've been thinking about it ever since. And I've come up with an idea.

The only way I can think of to measure those qualities of the heart and mind is by measuring the actions that flow from our heart and our thoughts. Are our actions in line with the characteristics we are hoping to develop?

I imagined my bathroom scale. But instead of the numbers there, (oh, yes, let's do away with them!), I imagined several bars of different colors like a rainbow, each bar with its own needle, and on the bars, respectively,  the words "Service", and "Smile", and "Prayer", and "Giving".

Then I imagined myself standing on the scale and watching the various needles move across the scale, showing that yes, I'd smiled more this week, but "Service" was measuring way too low. Prayer - well, it had been a hard week so the "Prayer" needle was way at the top of the scale, but the "Giving" needle didn't even show. I immediately knew that I needed to look outside myself and see where I could make a difference in someone else's life.

On the call, Bob had said that one person claimed that measuring is a powerful concept, and that one-tenth of one percent of all we measure will give us ninety-nine percent of the results in our lives. Wow! That caught my attention. 

It is worth thinking about. If we measure something, performance most often increases. So if we want to improve in an area, it makes sense that we need to set up a system of measuring our performance. 

I really do want to improve. I want to heal and be whole again. But now I see that to do so, I need to measure my progress - regularly. 

So, if you too want to improve, come on ladies, and let's step on the scale! 

In hope,

Roslyn

   

Make a list

The day after my older children left to return to their homes after my husband's funeral, I lay in my bed, looking out the window at the snow covering the trees, bushes and the ground. I felt cold, overwhelmed, confused, and totally inadequate for the task ahead - to build a new life for myself and the children.

I had stayed in bed much too long and could hear the children moving around the house. I knew I needed to do something - but what could I do that would make a difference? What could I accomplish in my present state of mind?
Then it came to me. After the funeral, my brother had told me,

"Make a list, Ros. List everything you can think of that you need to do, then list the things you need help with, and then let me know. We'll get you through this."

I could do that much! I pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper from my drawer and began to think. I felt like I needed help with everything. Slowly, though, I formed a list of those things I knew I couldn't do alone. As I did, I also thought of a few things I could do. Over the next few days two lists evolved, one I felt I could work on myself, and one I needed help with.

Just having it down on paper - - - even though the list was long - - - made it seem more manageable. Some things didn't seem so frightening once I could see them there on the list knowing that I would have someone to help me work on them. And when people called and asked, "What can I do to help?", now I had an answer. I felt better, because I was starting to accomplish things, and they felt better because they were able to serve in truly meaningful ways.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry - it's normal. It is part of the grieving process.

And when you feel ready,

take out a pen and a piece of paper,

and make a list!

Like Mary

When an angel announced to Mary what changes the future held for her, she asked,
"How shall this be . . .?"
From her perspective, she could not fathom how what she had been told could be possible.
When the angel reminded her that "with God nothing shall be impossible", she submitted humbly, saying,
" . . .be it unto me according to thy word."1

My grandson, Jefferson, loves to buckle the strap on his booster seat. As soon as he is lifted into the chair, he wants to buckle the strap. The moment he is lifted down after a meal, he immediately turns and re-buckles the strap. No one ever taught him to do it - it is a self-appointed duty that he has performed since he was first able to, and one he will not forbear.
One day Jeff had climbed up into his booster seat in anticipation of dinner and was trying to buckle the strap, but to no avail. He could not do it. He tried and tried, becoming more and more agitated as he tried. His father, seeing the problem, walked over, put his hands under Jeff's arms and began to lift.
"NO, NO, NO!" cried Jeff. From his perspective, his father was preventing him from accomplishing what he most wanted to do.
Actually, his father was only lifting Jefferson to re-position him. Jeff hadn't scooted back far enough in his chair, and so the straps could not possibly reach around him to be buckled. "I'm helping you, Jefferson," his father had said. And what his father did assured Jefferson's success.

Watching this, I thought, "How many times have I cried out, "NO!" when my Heavenly Father has only been re-positioning me to assure my success?"
Could it be that sometimes when things do not go as we would want, One who sees from a higher perspective, and who knows our potential, could actually be using our circumstances to help us become who He knows we can become? And could it be that He is in essence saying, as C.S. Lewis suggested, "Peace, child; you don't understand"? 2

Many times in the last few years I have felt like crying out, "NO!" I don't want to have to make changes! It is frightening to do new things and accept new challenges. However, looking back and seeing where those changes have brought me, I see God's hand in my life, helping me to stretch and grow.
Maybe someday I'll get to the point where, when I feel His loving hands under my arms beginning to lift, I'll look up with complete trust and say, "Thank You. Do whatever You need to do."
Like Mary. "Be it unto me according to thy word."


1 Luke 1:34-38
2 C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed p.69