Make a list

The day after my older children left to return to their homes after my husband's funeral, I lay in my bed, looking out the window at the snow covering the trees, bushes and the ground. I felt cold, overwhelmed, confused, and totally inadequate for the task ahead - to build a new life for myself and the children.

I had stayed in bed much too long and could hear the children moving around the house. I knew I needed to do something - but what could I do that would make a difference? What could I accomplish in my present state of mind?
Then it came to me. After the funeral, my brother had told me,

"Make a list, Ros. List everything you can think of that you need to do, then list the things you need help with, and then let me know. We'll get you through this."

I could do that much! I pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper from my drawer and began to think. I felt like I needed help with everything. Slowly, though, I formed a list of those things I knew I couldn't do alone. As I did, I also thought of a few things I could do. Over the next few days two lists evolved, one I felt I could work on myself, and one I needed help with.

Just having it down on paper - - - even though the list was long - - - made it seem more manageable. Some things didn't seem so frightening once I could see them there on the list knowing that I would have someone to help me work on them. And when people called and asked, "What can I do to help?", now I had an answer. I felt better, because I was starting to accomplish things, and they felt better because they were able to serve in truly meaningful ways.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry - it's normal. It is part of the grieving process.

And when you feel ready,

take out a pen and a piece of paper,

and make a list!